Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Matters of the Heart

 

bloody_heart-1806

Have you ever found yourself caught in a position when you just can’t decide if you want a particular someone in your life or will it be just fine without them? This is your choice, when You can’t make up your mind, what if the other person has decided already and what if the answer means rejection for you?

As a child you were born crying, but having an amazing family filled you with happiness (No matter how worst your conditions are, it’s still better than someone). You lived your life pretty usual, went to school, enjoyed great company and never felt lonely being all by yourself. Each weather was usual, no sentiments attached to any particular weather but that of having a good time playing hide and seek with your best mates, and then of-course of just hanging out when it wasn’t your age to play hide and seek anymore.

But that is not the end of it, then comes this one person who makes your heart beat like never before. And you wonder, wasn’t I the chilled out one who was never in this love business? Yes, of-course you figure out that this is just a crush and will go like many others passed, but what about your heart beating so fast each time the name this person comes up? Then the usual mundane friendship business starts, who can be friends with a person they have the hots for- No-one. And then the question comes up, is this the one i want? Is this the one I’ve been waiting for, will it work out with him/her? The next thing you know is that your impulse has led you into being in a relationship with this person only to realise that it might not work after all. But both of you promise to give it your best shot. Now there comes a promise which means that a heart-break is on its way. But unaware of that you get so into each other; the world is inexistent to you.

 

Then the thread starts, messages , phone calls, visits, interaction, thinking, meeting more, facebooking , mails, fights, love, sex, chats, anger, chats, frustration, more love, more meetings, more messages, more calls, more promises. Their work, your desperation, their passion towards their work or maybe just an excuse, your increasing passion towards them. Their family, your everything (almost) = that person, his/her dreams, your dream=that person, his/her excuses, your excuse for wanting them=your love for them. And before you know, it is not working out anymore, before you know you are the rejected one. 32111-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-Red-X-And-Rejected-Stamp-On-A-White-BackgroundNow what are you to do but wait, you keep trying to talk it out, make it good somehow but all your efforts go in vain. The long phone conversations are cut short, your sms’s don’t ever seem to get a reply, no more visits for sure, no more chats late night.

What do you do in such a situation? For all my non-smoker and non-drunkard friends, this is what you do, you sit and remember, or sometimes involve yourself so much in other stuff that you won’t remember what just happened. But then everything that happens seems to remind you of that person, a joke, a hug, a light caress, even an abuse that was famous as a gesture of love between the two of you. Sit and listen to sad songs, watch romantic movies and cry. And at nights while chatting with your friends, open their chat-box and hope to get a ‘hi’, but nothing, no sign, while you’re here stuck on her/him, s/he has long walked on by.

And still you ask yourself the question - if this is the one you want, this is the one you love, the answer still remains the same and hence gives more hurt. So you decide to wait for them, still feeling rejected and left alone after having being introduced to a world so full of possibilities, everything you could imagine doing had to be done with him/her. Now that they are no more with you, you cannot but wait. In the meanwhile, you try to get along with a new person, but don’t feel the same spark, the same beating of the heart. Your heart is dull now, this new person is totally lame, you don’t want the timely ‘’i love you’s’’ being delivered to you, not by this one ‘cause your heart is still with the one who left you. Even though now open to ‘friendship’, you don’t want to commit with anybody and then also if your heart puts up that desire, that need for someone special, you look for the same qualities in every person which were in the one who left you like a rejected piece of cloth.

You might just find a better match, but you’re not ready to accept that, moreover you’re not ready for another heart-break, so why not just play safe. Be in the friends league and never get close enough, some people call it ignorance, some attitude, well I call it defence. You kept trying from your side, trying to figure out what went wrong but the other person never gave you a chance to know what your mistake was. They walked out, got too busy to call or even reply to a sms. Now why go through all that effort all over again, why not stay single, why even bother, why waste your energy when you can simply hibernate from the love game?

Cut-off from the world, recover from the hurt in your own sweet time, but my friend keep telling yourself – “I WILL LOVE AGAIN”.

 

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Religious?


Some people are very religious and are sometimes very proud of it. They go to holy places of worship whenever they can get a chance, sometimes plan long journeys just to visit holy places, pray twice or even more times a day. They are devoted to the God they worship, whatever they do they do it in the name of God, spare money in the name of God donate it to temple charities or churches etc, keep fasts to please the holy power, hold gathering to join hands in prayer, offer fruits and sweets to idols of God to show Thy their devotion. Moreover some even advocate His worship, make Him their best mate, love Him the most, and hold Him prior and superior in their lives. They argue for His sake; to spread His word, feel blessed to have been given a golden opportunity to be introduced to Him. Go to sleep saying his name, wear lockets with His face on them, and wear rings etc in his name.  Even go vegetarian and stay the same all their lives to show Him their love and devotion. Leave certain such practices and never acquire them again, ever. Sometimes adapt some which might seem so hard to us but nevertheless they follow. For example, going to the temple which conventionally requires taking a bath early morning, which for me is quite a hard task to do especially in the winters. This is the degree of their devotion to and some do like to call it love, for the Lord.

I always respected such people and saluted their devotion and all the more their will power. Then one day it was brought to my notice, by a teacher of mine, that these are the same people who go around abusing each other in the parking lot of the same holy place they just visited. Isn’t their God listening to this? Then there are criminals and the ‘bad guys’ who are very religious, should we then respect them also and should they have a say about what God wants and teach us that? Should then God bestow them with prosperity in whatever way they want and not the poor person who doesn’t call himself religious but is in need of a miracle in his life? What is this, why is this, shouldn’t being religious stop one from acting so vile? This was like 3-4yrs back, and then I talked in fact argued with a friend of mine who was very religiously worshipping this one God their family started following some years after her entering school. As a result the matter was pretty much closed and maybe my respect for such (kind of fake) people was lowered a bit but was not lost.

Now after such a long time, I was talking to my sister and this topic turned up. Now 3-4yrs back, I believe I was still a kid who did not think deeper and was convinced that an instance of one person abusing another in front of the temple was not after all such a big deal. I never thought that a person who is doing that might be doing more wrong things and the thought of abusing was now buried by convincing myself that it is so routine, might have been a slip of tongue or an extreme requirement for the situation. But now to think about it, what does it really matter if a person abuses or not, is it really that important to be Religious? There might be people who are extremely religious and adding to many other practices refrain from or completely do away with the act of abusing people ‘verbally’, but that doesn’t matter. What matters, at least in my opinion is that the person be God Fearing.  Stops herself/himself from acting cheap and degraded, does it really count to commit an offense and then ask for forgiveness, this won’t change what has already happened?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

'Nobody' is a 'Loser'

LOSER: a person with a record of failing; someone who loses consistently or
One that fails consistently, especially a person with bad luck or poor skills.





NOBODY: a person of no influence
“Nobody knows her and doesn't pay any attention to her”

Some questions just don’t have any answers, and one such for me is if it is better being a loser or being a no-body? Reframed, is it worst being a loser or being a no-body?
Sometimes I sit and think am a loser, actually I never thought about being a no-body. Whenever this question came to mind (in last 2yrs), the answer was a loser, never considered no-body as an option. Sometimes I also think that perhaps I am not a loser and that maybe the definition and the conventions that make somebody a loser while another person a winner or a hot-shot is incorrect, but then I think who am I lying to? A loser is a loser and there is no arguing to that. I cannot give an explanation to everyone and certainly not to myself why I am not a loser, simply because when we look at a person who fits that conventionally best definition of a LOSER, we never think twice why he might not be one, so why justify it about you.

The more I think about it, the more it appears to me that being a loser is definitely a better option, you do things, you don’t do ‘em right. You do things and people notice your existence. If you are a loser, someday you’ll be a better person, a mediocre and then maybe someday a winner. But what if you’re a no-body, there is so significance of what you do, no-one notices you or your work and there are no chances of you being insulted by being called or perceived a loser. If there is a competition or a test, then a loser is sure to stand nowhere but at least is noted but a no-body is the one no-one notices, neither to be in or not in the competition. Also a no-body stands nowhere in anyone’s life except for their parents, maybe relatives and friends if s/he has any.





But how about when a team is being formed, no-one wants a loser in their team. But then a no-body has meek chances of being in one himself/herself, s/he is a no-body, no-one knows if that no-body wants to play, wants to be in a team and frankly no-one cares either. A loser might be taken in a team at last but not a no-body because in his case not even the worst team would bother.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Subjective Validation





I just overheard a group of girls talking about this particular guy hanging out with ‘the eve teasers’. Then the guy comes and starts talking to one of my friends, and I start to think if he would make a conversation with me, and if he is thinking to, then he better not. What was this that just passed my thought; this is if this particular person hangs out with some ‘bad’ guys then he is one of them himself

If you are hungry, then many things remind you of food. If you are looking for a face you will find one, whether it is in the formations of the clouds, the print of a flowery towel, or the surface of the moon, ‘A Face on the Wall’ perhaps. Our mind has a tendency to perceive what it is seeking.
Watching House M.D. you think, O Holy Lord, don’t I also have the same symptoms? Then am I also suffering from some kind of disease I was till now unaware of?

What if you don’t like a person? What if? Now many of us have already visited that Facebook page that quotes, ‘Once I Start Hating Somebody, Everything They Do Is Irritating to Me.’ This is exactly what happens when you start disliking a person, you just either tend to not like in them what others might, or just don’t want to acknowledge its existence. You ‘validate’ their activities as being irritating, utter nonsense, tag them as untrustworthy or someone cunning and shrewd. All in all, accept that they are bad. And then think that Facebook pages totally tell my story, which might not be actually or at times nowhere near ‘totally’.

Also it’s not always about some bad things; sometimes you might like someone so much that you automatically register that they are good no matter what, you authenticate their amazing-ness to yourself. And then if someone comes up and tells you that the person you admire with all your heart has done something unethical, you are just not ready to accept that that might have been the case. What is this, ego, trust on that person, blind love, and devotion? No, nothing of that sort, it is mere in-acceptance of ‘the truth’ because of the ‘validation’ of the ‘so called truth’ that was done earlier in time.

And sometimes it is not restricted to only us as individuals; we go out of the way to convince others of the same. “No mummy that is the one camera I totally have to have, it has a good memory, great clarity, zoom options etc plus it’s so pretty and hip to look at.”...”But beta there is a better one coming out in 3weeks”...”No mummy this is the best one and the best one to suit my budget also.” Deep within you know this is not the best deal and will totally burn a hole in your pocket, but at this time you want one camera like the one you saw with perhaps one of your friends and were convinced to get the same. So you will validate to yourself that this indeed is the best deal and hence go forth convincing your mother into allowing you to get this particular one. Which also reminds me of something else, and I might bring it up in the upcoming blogs. But for now, let us just stick to the idea of Subjective Validation.





When someone looks at someone’s newborn, the immediate reaction is to match their under- developed features with their parents, ever thought why people do that? Or why is it that you find some characters and habits of someone like yours, and that the same case is with you? Maybe you’ll get those answers now.

So what is this subjective validation? Let us consider an example to finally to define the term. 
What happened was, in an experiment (which the subjects* were unaware of), horoscopes were distributed to persons attending a class. The students were told that each horoscope had been made especially for each of them, and they were asked to rate its correctness. Most participants agreed that the horoscopes were fairly accurate for each of them. The students were then asked to pass their horoscope to the person next to them. They were amazed to find out that all of them had received exactly the same horoscope.

This willingness to apply a general description with no specific data to one's own life is called "Subjective Validation" and it results from our search for relevance in the information that we process.



Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Gayatri Mantra





ॐ भूर्भुवः॒ स्वः॒ 
तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।
भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।
धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

AUM BHOOR BHUWAH SWAHA,
TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM
BHARGO DEVASAYA DHEEMAHI
DHIYO YO NAHA PRACHODAYAT.

Oh God! Thou art the Giver of Life,
Remover of pain and sorrow,
The Bestower of happiness,
Oh! Creator of the Universe,
May we receive thy supreme sin-destroying light,
May Thou guide our intellect in the right direction.