Have you ever found yourself caught in a position when you just can’t decide if you want a particular someone in your life or will it be just fine without them? This is your choice, when You can’t make up your mind, what if the other person has decided already and what if the answer means rejection for you?
As a child you were born crying, but having an amazing family filled you with happiness (No matter how worst your conditions are, it’s still better than someone). You lived your life pretty usual, went to school, enjoyed great company and never felt lonely being all by yourself. Each weather was usual, no sentiments attached to any particular weather but that of having a good time playing hide and seek with your best mates, and then of-course of just hanging out when it wasn’t your age to play hide and seek anymore.
But that is not the end of it, then comes this one person who makes your heart beat like never before. And you wonder, wasn’t I the chilled out one who was never in this love business? Yes, of-course you figure out that this is just a crush and will go like many others passed, but what about your heart beating so fast each time the name this person comes up? Then the usual mundane friendship business starts, who can be friends with a person they have the hots for- No-one. And then the question comes up, is this ‘the one’ i want? Is this the one I’ve been waiting for, will it work out with him/her? The next thing you know is that your impulse has led you into being in a relationship with this person only to realise that it might not work after all. But both of you promise to give it your best shot. Now there comes a promise which means that a heart-break is on its way. But unaware of that you get so into each other; the world is inexistent to you.
Then the thread starts, messages , phone calls, visits, interaction, thinking, meeting more, facebooking , mails, fights, love, sex, chats, anger, chats, frustration, more love, more meetings, more messages, more calls, more promises. Their work, your desperation, their passion towards their work or maybe just an excuse, your increasing passion towards them. Their family, your everything (almost) = that person, his/her dreams, your dream=that person, his/her excuses, your excuse for wanting them=your love for them. And before you know, it is not working out anymore, before you know you are the rejected one. Now what are you to do but wait, you keep trying to talk it out, make it good somehow but all your efforts go in vain. The long phone conversations are cut short, your sms’s don’t ever seem to get a reply, no more visits for sure, no more chats late night.
What do you do in such a situation? For all my non-smoker and non-drunkard friends, this is what you do, you sit and remember, or sometimes involve yourself so much in other stuff that you won’t remember what just happened. But then everything that happens seems to remind you of that person, a joke, a hug, a light caress, even an abuse that was famous as a gesture of love between the two of you. Sit and listen to sad songs, watch romantic movies and cry. And at nights while chatting with your friends, open their chat-box and hope to get a ‘hi’, but nothing, no sign, while you’re here stuck on her/him, s/he has long walked on by.
And still you ask yourself the question - if this is the one you want, this is the one you love, the answer still remains the same and hence gives more hurt. So you decide to wait for them, still feeling rejected and left alone after having being introduced to a world so full of possibilities, everything you could imagine doing had to be done with him/her. Now that they are no more with you, you cannot but wait. In the meanwhile, you try to get along with a new person, but don’t feel the same spark, the same beating of the heart. Your heart is dull now, this new person is totally lame, you don’t want the timely ‘’i love you’s’’ being delivered to you, not by this one ‘cause your heart is still with the one who left you. Even though now open to ‘friendship’, you don’t want to commit with anybody and then also if your heart puts up that desire, that need for someone special, you look for the same qualities in every person which were in the one who left you like a rejected piece of cloth.
You might just find a better match, but you’re not ready to accept that, moreover you’re not ready for another heart-break, so why not just play safe. Be in the friends league and never get close enough, some people call it ignorance, some attitude, well I call it defence. You kept trying from your side, trying to figure out what went wrong but the other person never gave you a chance to know what your mistake was. They walked out, got too busy to call or even reply to a sms. Now why go through all that effort all over again, why not stay single, why even bother, why waste your energy when you can simply hibernate from the love game?
Cut-off from the world, recover from the hurt in your own sweet time, but my friend keep telling yourself – “I WILL LOVE AGAIN”.